Hope all is well with you and your family! I know it has been ages since I have been on here. Life happens and can definitely give you a new perspective on your outcome. Let me start by really saying that, I sincerely apologize for my lack of communication and commitment to you all. I just needed some time to be able to cope with some traumatic events going on in my life. Going forward I would rather make necessary life transitions with you guys. Instead of, secluding myself from you. I believe that a community full of love and positive energy aids in the recovery process. When you are secluded you only have yourself to get you by and God, of course. Which isn't bad per se but isn't healthy alone either. Let's just dive in shall we?!?!?!
Going through a divorce is no joke. I never thought that I would have to endure this journey. At the same time, I cannot continue in a relationship that is no longer healthy for me, my spirit, or my soul. I am not perfect by any means. I also know my worth and believe that God has other plans for me. Towards the end, I noticed a change in who I am. I began losing who I am as an individual. I no longer recognized myself in the mirror. Going day by day numb to any emotion a person should sense. I started to accept the gravity and just bask in it. I began to imitate that I was okay and nothing was wrong. You have to know when enough is enough and get the help you need. I turned to the Bible. That's the only teacher I knew that could really resurrect the good back into me. I was so angry and hurt. I had no desire for happiness. I forgot what that word meant and EVERYTHING annoyed me. I had plans and goals, ya know. I felt trapped and suffocated, because every time I tried to work toward my dreams. I kept feeling this dead weight dragging me down every chance it got. So I knew change had to come. I tried everything to make things work. I always said, "You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do." Plus, "Don't ever beg anyone to Be With You!" Know ya worth and accept that things aren't going to go according to your perfect little plan. Accept the things that cannot be changed and Grow in the Light that Shines for Greatness!!!
If I wasn't being beat up enough. I have another obstacle that I had to endure, which is my father getting Cancer. My Father is my best friend and my favorite person in the world. He has always been there in my life and we have such a great dynamic relationship. So for him to go through such a traumatic time, is so hard for me. Still is. Thank God at this time, He is doing muuuuch better and done with all treatments. We are taking it one day at a time and getting ready for him to be heading back to normal living. This time has really made me appreciate life, patience, and inner peace. Being by my Father's side, has helped me see life in another aspect. I respect this time alone more than I thought I would. I don't take things for granted as much. It has really kept me grounded. I cherish all the time I have spent with him just growing closer to him. Nothing else in the world matters when you have a sick parent. Everything I was going through with my husband seemed minuscule. I dedicated my time to supporting my father and God. My faith is much stronger for it. Keep in mind that God always knows what you can and cannot endure.
I must say that as a spiritual person, my relationship with God has grown dramatically!!! I don't know if you guys have a War Room but, as a child, mine has always been the shower. It's something about the water. I'm not sure if its the sound of water flowing or the Zen feeling of bathing. Anywho, majority of the time I also blast my music. The genre doesn't matter but praise music is hands down my first choice. I encourage having that fellowship with God. Regardless, what the scenery looks like. Go to the place that is more serene and convenient for you. I tend to gravitate to the park, as well. Now I'm not saying to use this time to vent and complain but really talk to him about your thoughts, feelings, and ask for guidance. Don't do this thinking to get a quick fix to your problems, but to really dive in to get some relief or just knowing that you are being heard and loved. My encouragement is for that sanity, honey! My mind goes on and on and on. Giving it all to Him separates you from all the fear and negativity that the world brings to your doorstep. Without this fellowship time, I would be running around here like a chicken with its head cut off! There is no reason to go though anything alone. Friends and family are nice to converse with, too. Please, Understand that they don't always satisfy your craving alone. Keep in mind that they may be going through their own trials and tribulations, as well. Reaching out to God, aids in filling my cup on a weekly basis. Can I get an Amen, if you are feeling me right now?!?!?! "And the congregation says, Amen and Amen!!!"
I am not saying any of this to make you guys feel sorry for me. I am relating my experience to show you that there is a Light at the end of the tunnel. I was going through it. REALLLLY!!!! It wasn't all blossoming flowers under the angelic rays of sunshine. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed. Endless nights, of crying myself to sleep. Most of all, a rage of anger that I couldn't fathom how to not let it consume me. I didn't know how to not wake up and feel the need to just punch someone in the face. Whoa okay, that was bit much but you get the gist. At the end of the day, I'm glad to have such a great support system. Without His encouragement and love, I do not know where my sanity would be at this moment in time. I don't mean to push my beliefs down ya throat. Just want to let you know, why I have been in hibernation. Plus, how I am coping with everything.
I am back lovelies and I will have some great posts coming up for you!!! We are back to our regular schedule programming going forward. Let's continue on this journey to better roads ahead together. I plan on having a post for you on a weekly basis. Anything in particular you want me to try or talk about. Don't hesitate to leave me a request or ideas below. I love you and I appreciate your patience with me!!!